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Posted on 04 December 2007
Wise Blogger Phil Andrews said:

Control freak like me

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I’m struck by how often I carry on as though the daily routine that my life inhabits at any given time is going to stay the same forever. Of course, it’s changing all the time incrementally, but in such a way as to blind me to the impermanence of my life.

This is probably quite a dangerous state of mind, for when major change comes along it threatens the established order. I’m worried how I’ll cope when the bad stuff comes and breaks right through the reassuring habits of my life? What am I purposefully laying into my routine now that will prevent me from being floored altogether?

Even if it’s something pleasant, change creates waves that require effort to keep the boat steady. However, it’s true to say that routine, carefully controlled to ensure maximum comfort, is in the long term pretty dull. Being out of control, away from the comfort zone, having to make an effort, uses the resources I have differently and creatively, as I work to deal with a situation, which is to my surprise refreshing and stimulating. New possibilities are sparked and the bedrock of my routine becomes porous in ways that I didn’t think were possible living for so long in such and such a town, doing such and such a job etc.

I’m learning that not doing what I like to do can be very good for me, keeping me receptive, not creating lack of control that leads to disorder but sensitising me to an order of living that is flexible and alive.